On the Surface

Skin color is such a sensitive topic among adults. But kids, they don't know or recognize the sensitive nature of it. I don't know when this changes, maybe it will be an encounter with someone who cares too much about it, or maybe it will be their first confrontation by an oversensitive person who reacts to an unwarranted color description (that white guy, those black girls). But for now, I find it really interesting to observe Tyler's perception of skin color. We'd like to think he's a kid who lives in an unbiased household in a racially diverse neighborhood who's parents have done little-to-nothing to influence any type of racial perceptions or observations. So, while this may be a sensitive topic, read on if you want to know how this kid of ours sees black and white, and gender differences too.

He had two instructors for swimming lessons this summer and after the first day, I asked Tyler what his teachers were named. He said he didn't know because he didn't ask. So on the second day of lessons he said to me "Mama, I know one of my teachers names is Patrick. But I forgot to ask the brown guy." And on the third day, Tyler jumped right in to the water with the "brown guy" and asked what his name was. Anthony. A few days later, Tyler was coloring and he said he wanted to draw a picture of himself. I asked what color he needed. He said pink. He pointed to his arm and said "See, I'm pink."

So, now we've got people with brown skin and pink skin. Recently Tyler's been fascinated with eyes and hair. The Face was a subject they covered in their 2-week series at school recently. So he declared one night in the bath that he has brown hair and black eyes. I agreed that his eyes did have some black in them, and some brown, and white too. He looked in the mirror a lot that night. He said he has straight hair and Hope has curly hair. Hopes Mommy is pink but Hope is ummm. What color is Hope's skin Mama? I suggested pink. No. White? Oh yeah, white. He said he has black eyes and Gavin has blue eyes. He sees skin color differences but they're just descriptions to him. Not quite so true with gender.

When Tyler sees a boy with earrings on, he hoots and hollers laughing loudly that "That boy is wearing earrings. Only girls wear earrings." We'd better keep him in Karate, he might need to defend himself one of these days if he keeps that up. At Disneyland Tyler met Steph, Heather's "friend" who he kept referring to as a guy. We'd simply correct him but he was really hung up on the fact that Steph had short hair like a boy. I would agreed, yes, but I'm telling you, she's a girl. Just know that she is a girl.

Back at Ms. Wynter's house where they used to go for daycare, her two sons had never had a haircut before. Xavier was 2 but Zacharia was almost 4. Imagine how long Tyler's hair would be if he'd never had a haircut. Ms. Wynter's kids had curly hair but, still, it hung down to their shoulders. Tyler constantly referred to her kids as "She" and "Her" which I found so funny I didn't really want to correct. Cut your kids' hair already!

Last night at dinner, the same 'chick' (I say that respectfully) who brought the boys their pizza dough last time was there, bringing the dough this time. Oh you'd better believe the dough keeper is Tyler's favorite person. Only he thinks she's a boy because her hair is really short. So, Tyler flags her down and asks "What's your name?" She answers "Jamie". Classic. She walks away and Tyler says to me "What did he say his name was?" Ugh.